I Don't Hate You
by Lynx Hates Everything
Summary: [Post-Rebellion] Homura has been avoiding Madoka, having learned that spending time with her only makes it more likely to trigger her lost memories. She has so many other friends that she could be spending time with, but on Valentine's Day, she shows that her interest in Homura didn't disappear along with her magic.


It's in the summary but I'll say it again here, major _Rebellion Story _spoilers in this.

So it's Valentine's Day and I felt like writing, and came out of it with these nerds and their unhealthy relationship. Eventually I might write a legitimate happy ending for these two that follows canon, but that'll take more than a couple thousand words to fix.

* * *

Holidays didn't mean anything anymore. She went so long without celebrating them, and she came out of it just fine. At best they were a distraction. This universe was a mess, and she had too much to fix to get held up with that kind of frivolity.

And she had too much schoolwork to do before she could even get to rectifying the universe. It wasn't a job she could do from after-school detention, so she had to be a diligent student. While the others were talking during the break, she sat at her desk as always, quickly scratching in the answers to their assigned homework. Being omnipotent made this job painlessly easy.

There was one exception that she allowed to distract her, and that was Madoka. While their contact was minimal compared to the time she used to spend with her, she watched her closely when she wasn't looking at her. That was what she considered her biggest responsibility, keeping Madoka's memories locked up so that she wouldn't be in danger anymore

When they spent time together, she noticed a severely-increased frequency of Madoka's memories returning. And it hurt, but she had to cut herself off from her to keep her safe. Her job was to keep her safe, and if that meant cleaning up the Incubators' mess and only speaking with Madoka when she was at risk of gaining her power back, she would do it.

Another part of her job was keeping suspicion off herself. She couldsave time by working through lunch, since she didn't have to eat to survive anymore. But if spending 15 minutes eating a pre-made bento prevented drawing extra attention to herself, she would take that time. As far as anyone else could see, she was just a diligent student who didn't like to talk with others.

Valentine's Day was no exception. She would take her lunch to a nearby hallway, eat it on one of the benches against the wall of a classroom, and do homework until it was time to return to class. It was a repetitive life, but she needed that. Repetition was the only thing she lived with for those 12 years, so being able to live each day the same while never having to return to a previous day eased the edge off the stress.

Today, however, was different from the routine. It was inevitable that sometimes people would speak to her, asking if they could copy her homework or if the other side of the bench was taken. And she would tell them whatever would make them go away fastest. This time, it was Madoka who sat next to her, hands clutching her schoolbag so tightly her knuckles were white.

She ignored her at first, pointedly looking away and acting as if she was never there. Madoka shifted around where she sat, clothes rustling as they resettled over and over. Homura was almost done eating when she finally said something to break the silence.

"Why do you hate me?"

Homura turned to look at her now, her hands still tight around the bag's strap. Her face was flushed pink, and she was looking down at the bench instead of at her.

"What do you mean?" There were so many words she could use to describe how she felt for her, and "hate" was absolutely not one of them.

"You're always glaring at me in class." She looked down at her own lap. "And we don't talk much, even when I try to start a conversation. You're nice to the others in class, but I don't think you like me."

"No, you're wrong." Choosing her words was difficult; she couldn't say anything that would trigger an old memory, but couldn't make it out like she really did hate her. "I find you…very interesting."

"I didn't think I was that interesting." She scratched her cheek and glanced back at her. "But why do you always seem so angry."

"You don't need to worry about that." Her stress was her problem, and she wasn't going to drag her into it.

"But if it's something I'm doing-"

"It's not." She cut her off with a short glare. "Nothing happening is of your concern."

"Ah…okay." Madoka hung her head and bit her lip. "You're angry again…."

"I'm sorry." She hesitated before lightly holding a hand over her shoulder. "I'm not trying to upset you."

"You're really busy all the time, aren't you? Is that why you work through breaks?" Her voice quivered, but she still tried to hold the conversation.

"Yes." And it also wasn't something for her to worry about.

"I think you'd be a lot less angry all the time if you had a friend." She reached into her pack and pulled out a smaller bag. "I haven't been here for very long, so I don't have a lot of friends either."

"That…may not be the best choice." No, no, no, she wasn't supposed to get this close to her. Her other friends were still alive and in their class. She was supposed to stay with them and forget about magic.

"You're always around when I'm upset. And if you don't hate me, then that means you aren't the reason it happens." Her blush deepened. "I…think you're interesting too. So it's not fair if you make me happy and I can't be your friend." She held out the little bag.

"What's this?" If it was what she thought it was, she couldn't take it.

"It's Valentine's Day." No…. "It's just friendship chocolate, if that's what you want." No. "I don't have a lot of people to give them too, but I want you to take these."

"I can't take these." She turned away, catching only a glimpse of her face, crushed and on the verge of tears.

"Well…." Her voice was unsteady, but she pushed through it. "I want you to have them. So…just take them." She pushed the bag forcefully into her hands and stood before she could give them back. "We're friends now."

Homura just sat in stunned silence. Madoka was rarely so aggressive, and she wanted to be mad at her. She told her not to do it, and that she should stay away. And with complete disregard for her safety, she forcefully recruited her as a friend.

She opened the bag to inspect its contents. Small homemade chocolates, probably made with her dad's help. Knowing Madoka, she probably put in too much work for something so insignificant. That's what this was: insignificant. They couldn't be friends.

They were tucked safely in her schoolbag, where they wouldn't get damaged. Just because they weren't important didn't mean she had to ruin them intentionally. And it was time to return to class, so she couldn't eat them yet.

Madoka watched her expectantly when she walked to her seat, but Homura kept her head down and gave her no reaction. Ridiculous girl. She did everything she could to get across the point that she was dangerous and that she shouldn't involve herself with her, and doing this was complete foolishness.

* * *

Valentine's Day was a ridiculous holiday, and Homura was happy it was over. There was no more pressure to avoid Madoka's company, she could go about her day as normal again. It was better like that.

She wouldn't need to worry about gifts, or that wavering line between friendship and romance. She wouldn't need to stop herself from looking at her, in case she interpreted the action as anything but watching her to make sure her magic was still locked away. And she wouldn't need to use her magic to know where she was and avoid her in the hallways.

Despite all that, despite herself, she'd packed something extra in her schoolbag today. It was a copy of her favorite book, neatly tied shut with an old purple ribbon she hadn't thrown out. Also insignificant, it was just a book. She didn't have time to read anymore, so she was offloading garbage onto someone else.

She found Madoka on her walk to school, alone again. There wasn't anybody else around to get the wrong idea, she was giving her an old book. If she didn't tie it shut, the pages might get damaged.

"Homura-chan?" Madoka noticed her when she quickened her step to meet her pace. "I didn't know you walked this way to school."

"I usually leave later." Today she was going to be a little early; Madoka also left for school early.

"Oh. Do you…want to walk there together?" She sped up to match her faster steps.

"Actually I have something for you." Homura pulled the book out as she walked, holding it towards her. "It's a thanks for the chocolates yesterday. This was my favorite book to read when I was in the hospital, and I thought you might like it."

Madoka took it, lightly touching the ribbon and reading the back cover. "You were in the hospital?"

"For heart failure." Madoka looked up, panic on her face. "It's not a problem anymore, they were able to fix it."

"I'm glad. It would be really sad if you were gone." She put the book in her schoolbag.

"It might be better like that, actually. You might be happier if I wasn't around."

"Don't say things like that!" Madoka stopped suddenly, stomping her foot and raising her voice. "If you weren't around, I wouldn't be happy. A lot of people would be sad, especially me."

"Madoka…." No, she wasn't supposed to care about her, this was going so incorrectly! "You don't know yourself very well, then."

"I know that I like you, and that I don't want my friends to die." She glared at her before swallowing hard, and pulling her into a tight hug. "You aren't allowed to talk like that. If you ever think about saying something like that again, I want you to talk to me and I'll make sure that you don't."

They'd been through conversations like this before, many times. But she had never been on the receiving end of the lecture, and it was hard to hear. Her eyes stung as she fought back tears, and she leaned into the hug against every nerve reminding her that she shouldn't do this. It felt really good, being held like this, like a bad habit.

"Promise me you won't anymore." She sounded almost as upset as she did.

"I won't, okay?" Madoka didn't let her go, shaking her head and holding her tighter. "Alright, I promise."

She let her go, putting her hands on her shoulder to look up and smile. "I'm holding you to that."

"Y-yeah…." This wasn't what she was supposed to do. If she was going to be her friend, she'd have to pay even closer attention to make sure she stayed the way she was. Which meant spending more time with her, monitoring her closely and personally.

"We have to get to class now though." She started walking, glancing back to make sure Homura was following her. "Do you want to walk home together?"

"If you want." No she did not want to, she had so much to do.

"And we can walk to school together now, too!"

"That sounds nice." It didn't sound nice, she would lose time on her duties as this universe's new god. There was so much work to do.

Madoka threw question after question after her, saying she wanted to know everything about her. Mostly her list of favorites, and she was more than happy to share her own in return. All the way to their classroom, where they had to separate to their own desks.

This was such a bad idea, Homura did not have enough free time for this. She didn't leave the others alive for her to seek her friendship anyways. It would be even harder to lead her into a normal life now. But she couldn't help but feel happy when she saw her unwrap the book during break and begin reading, with a little smile on her face.


End file.
